Lessons parents can learn from my hearing loss

Living with any form of disability can be challenging. Think of being the subject of ridicule or kind of offensive gestures made to mimick sign language to the extent of developing low self-esteem and leading an introverted life in name of avoiding public or mingling with crowds. More, it humiliates when others think you're object of empathy and sympathy like you can't function like a normal human being, and you're treated like a lesser human being. I've been there.

  I suffers from hearing loss, which was gradual especially when I was a child. Back then, I could sit even on the back of class but by the time I was in the equivalent of grade six under CBC currently, the loss was that severe that not even hearing aids would remedy the situation, given my ears produces very thick wax that blocks audio canals of a hearing device.

  Having attended normal day primary and secondary schools, I was like any "normal" person in society but though I never heard the voice of teachers throughout secondary school, I'd copy notes from desk mates as fast as they were scribbling them on books.

  Throughout the years, I've learned few lessons, that any parent with a differently abled child can learn, rather than hiding that child from public view because of shame or stigma. 

  Let's first have a look at the example of Helen Keller. When she was taken in a school for the blind, story had it she bumped her head on a shelf in the entrance. She complained the shelf wasn't padded to ensure that if a blind person was to hit it, they wouldn't be hurt or injured. Her personal tutor, Annie Sullivan, told her the purpose of the school was not to change the world because she was blind, but to teach her how to exist in a world designed for those who see.

  What does that teach one handicapped? To learn acceptance. Having physical limitations doesn't change a world designed for persons with disabilities. If the child learns to accept who he is and adjust as needed, that would be a crucial first step. The attitude towards being handicapped will determine his outlook. In case of Helen Keller above, we saw she erupted in anger after that head bumping incident, and that was a display of frustrations by an individual who hadn't accepted her limitations.

  Anger emanates from frustrations which slowly builds into an eruption. I've been there too. I can read lip movements, understand offensive gestures, though I'm not that excellent in sign language having grown up in a "normal" society, or even being mocked in the ways I speak. My lower lip moves slightly to right when I speak; I've a slight harelip. After indecent comments, mockeries and abusive signs, and I couldn't keep cool anymore, I'd explod into a tirade of angry words telling the offending person off, as in standing up to such characters, who mainly were doing so to please others at my expense. To my surprise, I've realized many assumes one with a hearing loss is also a mute, a deafmute!

  Another lesson I learned is many assumes handicapped persons are limited severely. But that's a lie though they may be limited, it shouldn't be taken seriously. Limitations shouldn't limit the handicapped in not being the person they should be. That mentally challenged child, when it smiles, can make others smile because that smile is contagious.

  The parents can teach that child with handicap that they too accepts their handicap. In many instances, parents will believe that the handicapped child is a result of generational curses or some spells cast by envious persons. But that is far from truth. Suppose that child is mentally handicapped. It can be very disappointing and be a source of heartache for any parent, but with time they may understand if heartaches, if properly accepted, will enrich their lives in a way that may not happen otherwise. 

  Another example, when blind Fanny Crosby, known for the hundreds of hymns she composed, was asked which request she would have asked the Lord to grant her, she reportedly replied, "That I'd be born blind, so the first thing that my eyes sees is the Saviour." This shows she had learned acceptance to the point she felt her handicap was actually a blessing rather than a disadvantage.

  A second lesson I learned is adaptability. Your usefulness is not a responsibility of everyone, but an individual choice. Limitations do require adjustments. They requires change from what many consider as normal. The ability to adapt doesn't come easily though, but can be nourished. That handicap doesn't deprive one of their usefulness. At times creativity may be needed to find a place for that usefulness. Growing up in a world of silence, I'd write stories in my head, travelling even to far away galaxies in my creative imaginations. Until a day I realized I'd harness that imagination and survive through it. That's how I self taught myself journalism without hardly stepping in a journalism class. However, the limiting factor could be our insensitivity to opportunity. 

  Have you come across a nice works of art, say a drawing, only to hear the artist behind it had no hands but used his feet to draw it? Rather than confine self to self-pity, the artist adapted and used what he did have (feet) to accomplish what many with hands would hardly do. That resilience was incubated in a bed of acceptance, and is a demonstration of an "overdrive" spirit which is opposite of self-pity or "park" (lazy) mode.

  Acceptance and adaptability, as we've seen above, produces usefulness. Usefulness is that slayer of giants of discouragement and self-pity. Once you teach that handicapped child you're hiding to accept who he's, and to use what he has and where he can, he can be productive in ways that not only impacts on you but others too. Don't limit him to begging in the streets like he was born with no capabilities of own, or receiving government stipends to survive on (I receives nothing).

  However there's a challenge for parents with handicapped children. It is finding a place the child can serve in small ways. But that shouldn't be an excuse to limit them. The world may be full of suffering, and could be harsh for handicapped persons, but the potential to overcome the difficulties is vast. Limitations rarely deprive one completely of their usefulness, and let that sink in. A happy life consists not in the absence of, but in mastery of hardships.

  Another lesson I learned is handicapped persons need input and direction. You, as parent, and teachers, need to teach such children to cope. That child needs help to climb the hills of life. It is similar to teaching him how to fish on own after giving him that fish, and helping break a dependency mentality. It is similar as showing him how to hold a shovel, but not doing all the digging until he masters the art. In case of a business idea, he can get that capital injection, and let him do the rest. It is better you give him an arm to lean on, than carry the full load on his behalf.

  Most importantly, in spite of deprivations the handicapped persons go through, life is still worth living. Rule of thumb; find your usefulness and fulfillment will follow. As I pen off, I'm waiting for the day the lost hearing will return, hopefully.